Ramble On...

"Leaves are falling all around
Time I was on my way
Thanks to you I'm much obliged
Such a pleasant stay
But now its time for me to go
The autumn moon lights my way..."


There have been few times in my life when a song has so perfectly captured my life. This is one of those times. I feel like Led Zeppelin's "Ramble On" has expertly encapsulated this new chapter in my life. Like a lyrical snapshot(or something less contrived).

For so many thoughts and emotions, I'm quite short of words. But I learned tonight that people actually appreciate that about me. Tonight was the last meeting with my Life Group. Well, last one for awhile at least. It was the perfect sendoff. As the 1st drew closer and closer, I began to feel unsure of my standing with my friends. I have never felt like I really belonged anywhere. And even in the best of times with this group it always seemed at best, a temporary belonging. That while I was cared for, it was perhaps based on the condition that I was here. That should I leave, I would in time simply become a nice little memory.

But after tonight, I can no longer accept that. Tonight I was told things that really shook me. Like an emotional Etch-A-Sketch, they erased the staircase of low self-esteem (that was for you, Steph). I was put in a very awkward situation. I sat in a chair while everyone said nice things about me. There a few rules, but namely that I had to look everyone in the eye when they spoke, and all I could say was "thank you." For those of you who don't know me, I don't take compliments well. I always want to disregard them or argue them or follow with a "yes, BUT..."

I was told some pretty remarkable things. It was so over-whelming to not only see how much they care, but how much they NOTICE! There were things brought up that I never would have known about myself. And to a shy little guy like me, being noticed is HUGE!

As I close my last post from Santa Cruz, I'd just like say a few things to some people.

To my Santa Cruz friends and family:
Thank you. Your love and support have been crucial in this decision and making it a reality. You all mean so much more than you could all possibly imagine. I am truly greatful for all of you. While it's difficult to leave so many wonderful people, I am strong knowing that there is a place where I am loved and accepted. I can't wait to share with you all that God is doing both in me and in Greensboro. I love you all and will think of you often.

To my friends and family waiting to be discovered in Greensboro:
I cannot wait to meet you all and start making memories. I look forward with eagerness and great anticipation to all things we will do and the moments we will share. I can't wait to know you, to be blessed and be a blessing, and to share in the joy of our friendships. We have some great times to look forward to!

To my Life Group:
It has been an honor, a privilege, a pleasure, and a joy to share my life with you. Thank you for sharing your highs and lows. Thank you for your honesty, sincerety and authenticity. For your prayers and comfort. For letting me into your lives and making me at home there. And thank you for a safe place to go every week where I could be vulnerable and just be me. I was truly blessed to walk with you and look forward to the day when our paths will once more converge and we will walk together again.

In a few hours, I will be on a bus headed towards a anything and everything. And as Sam said in Lord Of The Rings; The Fellowship of The Ring: "If I take one more step, it will be the farthes away from home I've ever been."

Well, I guess its time to say goodnight. I've got my ticket, I've packed my bags and I've said goodbye.

But I know I've got one thing I got to do...

Blogging?

Call me a heretic, but I'm actually not that into blogging. I just don't get it. Why air out your dirty laundry in the most public of all forums? When I was a kid, a journal or diary was sacred. It was where you wrote things you couldn't tell anyone. You did everything you could to keep it safe and from falling into the wrong hands. The thought of someone getting hold of it and sharing its contents with others was horrifying.

Okay, I will admit that I never had a journal as a kid. I really only knew of them from various TV shows. But I did get it. There are certain things you just don't tell anyone. ANYONE. Most people who know me know that I am very private person. I play close to the vest. I could probably count the number of people I truly trust on one finger. I am exaggerating, but you get the idea.

So why I am I doing this? It should be obvious that its not for the trendiness. Nor am I trying to be bolder in expressing vulnerability and openness. No, the real reason is much stupider. My friends told me to get one. Its been suggested before, but I just wrote it off as " a dumb idea." I had nothing to say or anything really going on worth being chronicled in such a prestigious literary realm along such great thinkers as Perez Hilton and that guy with the clever shirt at Starbucks twittering on his iPhone that he's in line at Starbucks.

But with this new adventure dawning, I feel like maybe I have something worth blogging about. I'm also really lazy, and figured that this would be the easiest way to keep everyone up to date on what's going in my life. I can't guarantee this will be as compelling and though-provoking as the saga of a lonely 15 yr old girl, but I'll try my best to keep it interesting and amusing. And perhaps even relevant.

Stay tuned...